Broken

Broken.... that's how I feel. My heart aches so deeply that it feels hard to breathe. My husband still isn't home and some days I grieve him not being here so deeply that you'd think he had died. I've grieved so much I've lost 60 pounds. I long for the day when my husband returns home. I haven't had a hug, a kiss, and "I love you" in 4 months. God this hurts so much. Some days I feel almost dead inside because I've cried and hurt so much. My emotions are raw and some days they run rampant. I know that God promised to restore our marriage and I stand firmly on that promise. The thing is it's easy to say, harder to live. He could be home tomorrow for all I know, but for today, my heart aches. My heart aches for the good morning I didn't get to hear, for the have a good day that wasn't spoken, for the loving connection two people can share. Our bed is empty without "us". I hate it, I'd rather sleep on the couch than in it alone. Our house doesn't feel like home because half of "us" isn't here. I wonder if he ever feels how much I hurt? I mean two souls united by God in a holy covenant of marriage, you'd think he would. I wish he would sometimes. I know it sounds mean to say I want him to hurt, but I feel like I'm the only one hurting, like I'm the only one broken. Can I beg or plead and make you come home honey? No, I'm sure that would only make you mad. I love you! Would that be enough to fix whatever happened? What did happen? How could you wake up one day and decide that you and I need to be you? Do you even know how much I love you? Or how much you mean to me? I never really showed you did I? I always said it, but I never proved my love. I'll start now by saying you are a great man. You are! I know that probably sounds strange coming from me since you left, but it's true. You are smart, funny, caring, gentle, kind, loving, supportive, handsome....the list could go on and on. How many years have I let slip by without you knowing just how terrific you are, just how awesome God made you. When God was making you, he was making me, making us into soul mates. Think of all the things we've shared and been through. Think of all our strengths and weaknesses. Where I am weak, you are strong and vice versa. It's true my love. Where I lack in common sense, you shine. Where I tend to judge others, you let no judgement slip. We truly do complete one another. It may be corny, but it's true. God is our foundation and when we are together we make a perfect being. You, me, and God. Ecclesiastes 4:12 "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" Don't you see my love? We didn't have God as our foundation, that's how we broke. If we'll put God first, we can be rebuilt. Please say you want to rebuild us. There's nothing you can't build (another one of your strengths), so work with God and I and let's get this marriage back on track. Imagine how God's glory and love can shine through us. What a blessing to share with the world. "I don't want somebody new, this heart belongs to you" (Restored by Matthew West). I love you dear husband and I will wait forever for you because I said a vow, I took a ring, I gave a ring, and I made a promise bound by God. Dear God, Give me strength when I am weak. Give me faith when I have trouble believing. God I praise You in advance for our marriage because I know what You can do. Your Word tells us that You hate divorce. Your Word tells us that what You have promised You will bring about. You Word says that You make all things work together for our good. Your Word says great is He who is in me (our marriage) than he that is in the world. Your Word says no weapon formed against us (or our marriages) shall prosper. I stand on those words Father. The words that say "so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Father bless all the marriages out there this day. The good, the bad, and the ugly ones. You can turn every one of them into great marriages. We praise You dear Lord and thank You for all the blessings You pour out upon us. Amen

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