An Avid Dreamer Blogs Here

Broken.... that's how I feel. My heart aches so deeply that it feels hard to breathe. My husband still isn't home and some days I grieve him not being here so deeply that you'd think he had died. I've grieved so much I've lost 60 pounds. I long for the day when my husband returns home. I haven't had a hug, a kiss, and "I love you" in 4 months. God this hurts so much. Some days I feel almost dead inside because I've cried and hurt so much. My emotions are raw and some days they run rampant. I know that God promised to restore our marriage and I stand firmly on that promise. The thing is it's easy to say, harder to live. He could be home tomorrow for all I know, but for today, my heart aches. My heart aches for the good morning I didn't get to hear, for the have a good day that wasn't spoken, for the loving connection two people can share. Our bed is empty without "us". I hate it, I'd rather sleep on the couch than in it alo...

It's been a rough few months for me and my family and it doesn't seem like there's an end in sight. My daddy died in November and that has to be the single most painful thing I have ever felt in my life. But then today I picked up the phone to call him to just tell him about my day and as realization poured over me, I just sat and cried. I never thought my daddy would die. I know that everyone dies, but I thought my daddy would be you know 80 or older. It seems like there is so much of my life left to live and him not being here just hurts. Last week my aunt died too. I'm very sad for her to be gone too, but it's like I can't even grieve for her because I can't stop grieving for my daddy. Everyday I wish I could just call him and talk or give him a hug and that's all just gone.... I won't lie I'm depressed, sad, and lonely. My husband is a wonderful man, but nothing seems to be able to pull me out of the pain. I push through most days and feign l...